What do you see when you picture a confident person? Maybe it’s the loudest person in the room — someone who commands your attention. Maybe it’s the person who’s always posting on social media for the world to see — that must take confidence. Maybe they’re the funny person who’s always cracking jokes. But what does confidence actually look like? The thing is, confidence isn’t this external trait we can observe even if we think it is. Confidence actually comes from within. Real confidence is a lot quieter and a lot more personal than the image of extrovertedness that comes to mind when we try to picture it.
Real Confidence
Confidence isn’t always loud, flashy, and obvious like we may expect it to be. At its core, it’s about trusting yourself, showing up for yourself, prioritizing yourself, and loving yourself for how you are. It can be about wearing what you like, not just what’s trending. It can look like standing up for yourself, even if your voice shakes while you do it. Other times, it can be choosing to stay quiet in a conversation because you know you don’t have anything to prove. Confidence means being at peace with who you are, even if you’re not done growing as a person. It means not needing constant approval to be at peace, and knowing how to not let criticism shake your sense of self. Things like setting boundaries, saying “no” without needing to over-explain yourself, trying new things, admitting when you’re wrong, and being able to walk into a room without shrinking yourself to fit in.
Building True Confidence
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with but something you build, just like a muscle. Like any type of growth, it can take time, patience, and practice. Start by challenging any negative self-talk. If that little voice in your head says something like “I’ll probably mess this up” or “I’m not good enough”, pause and ask yourself if you’d talk that way to a friend. If the answer’s no, then you probably shouldn't say that to yourself. Try stepping outside of your comfort zone by doing small things that scare you. Tryout for a new sport, talk to strangers in public, raise your hand in class. Every time you take a risk and succeed, your brain starts to realize it’s not as scary. You should also stand tall (literally). Your body language can actually influence how you feel, not just how others perceive you. Simple actions like standing up straight, making eye contact, and uncrossing your arms can trick your brain into feeling more confident. With enough time, it will stop being an act and start becoming real. Lastly, make sure you’re surrounding yourself with the right people. Confidence shrinks around people who tear you down. Make sure your friends are people who hype you up, not hold you back.
Quiet Confidence Is Still Confidence
There’s a common misconception that confidence is always loud. If you’re not the one giving speeches, talking with a raised voice, always having the final say, or putting yourself out there on social media, you can’t really be confident. But that’s not the case, quiet confidence is just as powerful as loud confidence. It shows up in calm, steady ways that help you trust your decisions, know your worth, and not need to prove anything. You can be introverted and confident. You can be soft-spoken and confident. You can be an observer instead of a talker and confident. Some examples of quiet confidence include letting others shine without feeling
threatened, owning your interests even if they’re not popular, saying no without guilt, choosing peace over drama, and listening more than you speak. Confidence isn’t always about standing out, sometimes it’s about standing firm in yourself.
The truth is that there’s no single way that confidence looks like, and that’s what makes it so powerful. Confidence isn’t something you pretend to have just to fit into a mold, it’s about truly finding what it feels like for you. It’s in the small choices like standing up for your values, taking care of your needs, being okay with not always fitting in with everyone else, and never shrinking yourself just to make others comfortable. Whether your confidence is quiet or bold, it’s valid and enough. Even better, it’s something that anyone can achieve. So ask yourself: What does confidence look like for me today?
